Day 16: Something you always think "what if..." about.

I try not to think about what if my life was different. But there is always something I wonder about. After I graduated from high school I really wanted to go to an arts school called Cornish College of the Arts. I really wanted to Major in Acting and Minor in Original Works. I know that a career in the arts isn't the most stable...but I would have loved to live the starving artist life style as I like to call it. Living in a big city, working as a waitress, living paycheck by paycheck, and waiting for my big break. Yes, that's how I pictured my life, and I wonder what if I had left, and what if I became that: an artist. So why didn't I? I like to say that it's because I was meant to stay here, and it's true, my life is happening exactly the way it was meant to be, but in all honesty, I really didn't think I'd make it in. I was afraid of auditioning...of being told I wasn't good enough...and I didn't receive the support from those close to me to try, I wasn't given that ounce of confidence I needed. Maybe it's better that I didn't audition, because maybe I would have been rejected, told I wasn't good enough, then I'd probably be a lot different now. Some days I feel like I've settled tho. I think that maybe I could have been made for so much more...and I'm stuck here...not doing what I wanted to. Which is why I hate wondering "What if..."