Day 16: Something you always think "what if..." about.

I try not to think about what if my life was different. But there is always something I wonder about. After I graduated from high school I really wanted to go to an arts school called Cornish College of the Arts. I really wanted to Major in Acting and Minor in Original Works. I know that a career in the arts isn't the most stable...but I would have loved to live the starving artist life style as I like to call it. Living in a big city, working as a waitress, living paycheck by paycheck, and waiting for my big break. Yes, that's how I pictured my life, and I wonder what if I had left, and what if I became that: an artist. So why didn't I? I like to say that it's because I was meant to stay here, and it's true, my life is happening exactly the way it was meant to be, but in all honesty, I really didn't think I'd make it in. I was afraid of auditioning...of being told I wasn't good enough...and I didn't receive the support from those close to me to try, I wasn't given that ounce of confidence I needed. Maybe it's better that I didn't audition, because maybe I would have been rejected, told I wasn't good enough, then I'd probably be a lot different now. Some days I feel like I've settled tho. I think that maybe I could have been made for so much more...and I'm stuck here...not doing what I wanted to. Which is why I hate wondering "What if..." 

Day 15: Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality

So I dont really care for this stuff but for the sake of my blog I'm a Taurus and according to Wiki the characteristics are:

Taurus has been seasonally associated with the flourish of spring. Because the season has settled, astrologers call it a fixed sign,^[2]:88, indicating stability, resistance to change, and the ability to 'enjoy the people'. According to astrologers, the sign is governed by Venus, the planet of art, procreation and indulgence, which adds the traits of creativity and appreciation of life's material luxuries. The moon is also associated with this sign, which it governs by exaltation. Due to its earthness, some astrologers place Saturn a "fall" planet or peregrine to Taurus in this manner and is widely shared with Aries and Virgo.^{[citation needed]}
Astrologers classify Taurus as a negative or passive (introvert) sign.^[3] This gives the characteristics of being reflective, receptive to the ideas of others: typically, a 'thinker' rather than a 'doer'. But being of the earth-triplicity, Taurus is considered by astrologers to be a highly practical sign which is happiest when involved in some kind of creative process. Although generally considered easy-going and placid, as a fixed sign Taureans are likened to the bull in being slow to show anger, but capable of raging if pushed too far. And they take time to eventually act on their anger and basically when they (Taureans) do, be rattled, because there's no telling what they'll unleash upon you.^[4]:17 It is also said Taureans enjoy basic 'creative comforts' and don't allow others to disturb them easily, but they don't forgive and forget easily. Joanna Watters (2003) defined a keyphrase for this sign as "I possess", and summarises its strengths and weaknesses: "The positive side to this fixity is a ferocious willpower and absolute loyalty to loved ones, although they need to guard against possesiveness.^[4]:17 Martin Seymour-Smith (1981) suggested "Practicality may be felt in non-materialistic and satisfying ways". As a suggestion for keywords he offers:^[5]

Yeah....I guess you could say I'm easy-going and I'm artsy. But I'm a doer not a thinker...we all know that! =P And I am anything but introverted.

As for the Horoscope of the day:

Any romance you're having right now is going to be especially easygoing -- you two are totally on the same wavelength, and you'll have absolutely no problem agreeing on something amusing to do together. If you're enjoying being single right now, you will feel this synchronicity with your closest friends. The timing is perfect for this harmony in your life, because you are ready to move out of your insular frame of mind and get back into a more social scene.


Yeah...I do need to get back into the social scene...sadly I dont have time. =( Although I would make time if a certain someone asked me out. Haha! ;)

Day 14: What you wore today

Tried something a little different today! But I liked it. =D

Day 13: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

Oh boy...this one have been dreading but I might as well get it over with right? In all honesty I am not very comfortable with my body. Unless I am wearing something that is very flattering on me. When I'm wearing the right outfit, I'm more confident with my body. But I'm also self conscious right now because I weigh the most I've ever weighed...and so I'm freaked out about it. Which is why, I'm attempting to do something about it. Instead of just wishing I looked healthier and better, I'm actually trying to achieve that look. I know I have a pretty face I just want that nicer, hour glass shape I used to have. I suppose I'm not too over weight, hardly anything at all, but its more then I desire, so I'm actually doing something about it. And that is why I think I will be comfortable with my body again, I used to be when I was younger, but then I gained my freshman 15 and then some. So until then, I'm not very comfortable...but I'm getting there cause I think it's important that everyone is comfortable with who they are.

Day 12: Five guys whom you find attractive

So this one I thought about all day...because to me being attractive is more then just a hot face and sexy body. There is so much more to being attractive than that. Such as, I find a guy with a kind heart to be very attractive, along with having a good mind, and being someone that people look up to. I also find a guy who is able to have a positive attitude about things, who is constantly smiling, and who just has this fun way about him, who can laugh and joke and just lighten the mood. Also I love a guy who is outgoing and friendly and confident along with being assertive, with out being a jerk. The most attractive thing I find in a guy is the ability to be a great friend, someone who has listened to me talk about anything and everything, who has held me when I've cried, who had promised to kill any guy who hurts me, who has made me smile when I've had no reason to, who go out of their way to make me happy, someone who can just have a crazy awesome time with me, those guys, those true best friends, those are the guys who I find to be attractive. And that's really any guy that has been a best friend to me. So to all those guys in my life, which is so much more than five, thank you. You all are the guys that I find attractive and you know who you are. ;) <3

Day 11: Your Family

My Mom, my Step-dad, My sister and My brother...this was like 5 years ago. haha! =) but this is part of my family. 

  Then there was my Dad. 

My brother Charley! =) 

Those crazy kids are pretty much family to me. <3 I love them so much!

Then of course there is Lucky aka Baby Kitty. He's my boy. A total pain in the ass but I love him...he's the most loyal kitty in the world. <3

And then of course I have a step-brother, sister in law and two nieces along with my grandparents and a crazy amount of aunts, uncles, and cousins!

My family is crazy and weird and dramatic but I love them...and I wouldn't trade them for anything! <3

Day 10: Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play

Since I don't have a music player, I'm gonna use my favorite Pandora station because if I did have a player those songs would be on it.

1.)  Fade by Staind
2.) A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars
3.) Comatose by Skillet
4.) Well Enough Alone by Chevelle
5.) Addicted by Simple Plan
6.) Edge of the Earth by 30 Seconds to Mars
7.) Time After Time by Quitedrive
8.) Swing Swing by All-American Rejects
9.) Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin
10.) Closer to The Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars

Bet you can't guess what station this is on Pandora.  ;)

Day 9: How important you think education is.

I think education is important to a certain point. We should all know how to read and write so that we can communicate with each other. We should all have that basic understanding of how the world works. Such as math and science and grammar. That's all wonderful up to graduating high school. After that, I think it should be more about learning through experiments...like hands on work. I hate the fact that I have to sit in a class room setting. I'm intelligent, you just wouldn't be able to tell based on my grades. I think college education should be based on what your capable of doing rather than if you score high on a test. After all, the saying goes "It's easier said than done." Sure, you can answer the question right on a piece of paper but when it comes to application, can you really do it? Are you really going to understand how to do it, in real life, and not just a scenario? Think about it, the world is designed for people to interact with each other, to do things together. We were given brains so that we can analyze each other, communicate, to act and react, and to work together. The world doesn't stop to ask "Which of the following answers is correct?" No, the world hands you a problem and says "Show me what you can do." And I think education should be focused more on that kind of learning.

Day 8: What you ate today

Wow, this one is going to be boring...seriously...who comes up with a topic like this...anyways I ate fried rice...which I made, ice-cream, and jimmy johns. Thats everything...so yeah...boring. =P

Day 7: Five Pet Peeves

1.) When people assume things about my personality based on things they've heard.

2.) When people make really stupid and not funny short jokes about my height.

3.) When he doesn't get the hint.

4.) When I cant seem to focus on anything.

5.)When people ask me if those are my real nails.

Day 6: Your views on mainstream music

I really don't have much to say about this topic. I only listen to the radio when I'm driving. But...the songs are fun to listen to...like the first 2 maybe 3 times...but when you hear the same song on 2 or 3 different stations within the 10-15 minutes your driving...it gets super annoying. And when you know all the lyrics because its on so often...then your like wow these lyrics are actually stupid...And it gets really annoying when two very overplayed songs by the same artist are on 2 different stations. Basically my thoughts can be wrapped up like this:

Day 5: Things you want to say to an ex

So...I don't really have many guys that I consider to be Ex's. My fun little dating flings usually didn't last long enough to be anything but flings. So now the hard part is to figure out which Ex to say this too.
So...I'm not going to use any names(and don't ask who it is) but this is what I would say to my Ex if I had the chance:

First off, at one point I did like you. You are a pretty great guy. We just didn't work out, and that's ok. On my part, there are no negative feelings or hatred, that would be stupid. It really was fun being around you, but I probably should have warned you from the start that I'm not good with relationships. And I think part of the fact is because I don't really want to be. Its hard for me to fall for someone. And I guess as great as you are, I just couldn't really fall for you. So I know that it was my fault that we didn't really work, but at the same time I think it was your fault for not trying. I get scared, I get overwhelmed, and I feel like I have to try harder to be perfect. I have trust issues in relationships. I have this deal where I feel like because I've been used, cheated on, and lied to that some how I'm damaged goods, I'm not good enough and possibly even unlovable. I'm very skeptical with the word "love" in the first place. It's probably incredibly obvious that I am emotionally unavailable. I really think I could have tried harder...but I don't think I really wanted to. Which was completely unfair to you. And I'm sorry. In all honesty, I haven't exactly figured out why you liked me in the first place. But I remember how we got along, at first, and how things were fun, but once more serious feelings got dragged into the picture, I think that's when I began to withdrawal. Seriousness scares me in relationships. Even in ones where I have been in love, it just scares me. It had nothing to do with you. You just happened to be one of the guys who wanted something more when I couldn't do that. And I know that we don't talk any more, which kinda sucks, cause I did enjoy the conversations where you made me think, but I hope that you've been in a better relationship since me. And I hope that whatever you are doing with your life, you are happy. And I'm really sorry that I couldn't really commit anything serious. But at the same time, you just weren't the guy who was meant to help me through those issues. And that's ok. Because I'm doing fine, and that guy that is meant to be there for me will eventually get to do that for me. Until then, I really hope you find your happiness. I'm waiting for mine.

Day 4: Bullet your whole day

So I know this is late, but that's because I wanted to finish the entire day. So this is how I spent Saturday May 19, 2012:
> Alarm goes off at 7:00am, I hit the snooze button a lot!
> I'm out of bed at 7:50am and pretty much jump right into the shower.
> I get done getting ready for work.
> I do some homework before I leave for work.
> I get to work at 9:20am
> I get sent on a fishing activity
> I finish up my shift at 2:30pm
> I go home and attempt to unpack but get distracted by old monologues and start acting them out.
> I meet Whitney at the movie theater to see the 4:30 showing of Dark Shadows, good movie.
> We go get 5 guys.
> I see her place and meet her roommates.
> We swing at a park.
> We get bored and walk around Wal-Mart.
> We then go to Fred Meyers and bug one of her co-workers.
> We then leave only to come back to buy Mike's.
> We go back to her place, crack open a couple of Mike's.
> We kill sims while her roommates play video games.
> Finally, we watch Supernatural and other tv shows. And I probably drank a wee bit too much.

Awesome Day! I got my old best friend back...and its a start of a new and much more mature best friendship! <3
 

Day 3: A book you love

Ok...so this probably wont be a shock to you...but I'm not really much of a reader. And when I do read it's either for school or I read scripts, but that's not the same thing. So...I guess you could say that a book that I love, that I've read recently for fun has been the Hunger Games series. I know, I gave into pop culture. But I enjoyed it.

Although, for this last semester of school I actually got to read a couple books that I had fun reading.

 Yeah...last semester was awesome! ;)

Day 2: Something You Feel Strongly About

This one is very vague. I can pretty much write about anything. I'm not sure if this is asking more about a belief or an idea or even a passion. I think that something I feel strongly about is homosexuality. Personally, I am ok with it. Gays should have the right to marry. I don't care if its thought of as a sin in some religions. I'm pretty sure the same religions say that premarital sex is a sin, yet there are unwed mothers every where, in fact I'm pretty sure that society views that as an acceptable sin because there is a TV show called Teen Mom. Also, we have divorce as a sin to some religions, but the divorce rate is so high now. Not to mention, getting remarried is considered adultery. Yeah, I'm pretty sure straight people have screwed up the concept of marriage worse than a gay couple would. I will admit that society has become more accepting of it, but there are still groups of people who are against it. And for those who are, I think its absurd. What if you weren't allowed to marry the person you loved? How terrible would that be? I think that everyone should have the right to happiness. And sometimes happiness is waking up next to your best friend, wearing a ring to symbolize the commitment you have to one another, and the state recognizes that commitment as marriage, and you get to have a family. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, even if that person is of the same gender. Love comes up unexpectedly, and I believe that people should be able to express that love in any way they choose. You should get to be with that person who makes you smile inside and out, who gives you butterflies, who accepts you completely, who makes you laugh, who encourages you and makes you a much better person. I know that I am going to get to marry the love of my life and I think that every person should be able to also.

I saw this the other day and I believe that it is 100% true. As the saying goes "Only God can Judge me"
so think about that before you judge someone else for any reason.

Day 1: 5 Ways to Win Your Heart

1.) Be spontaneous! I love when guys don't have any set in stone plans. Like when we get together, we decided what to do when we're together. We don't have to plan every single step of the day.

2.) Cook for me. I love when a guy cooks! There is something sexy about a man in a kitchen. ;)

3.) Let me have my independence. Don't get me wrong, I love the "us" time, but I also love the "me" time. I think every person should be able to be strong on their own. I need someone who understands that.

4.) Listen to me talk. About anything and everything. And talk back. Share your opinions, add to my stories, make me laugh, critique me...but just let me speak my mind.

5.) Believe in me. Have faith in my dreams. Be my number one fan. And don't let me quit. Be that person by my side telling me I can when the world is trying to tell me that I cant. 

Again with the Madness!

So I think I have become addicted to blogging. The reason is because its another narcissistic outlet for me. So again, I am going to do a 30 day challenge! I think you should all do this with me. I find it refreshing to be able to look at myself and really see me for who I am. Not the person I think I am, not the person that society thinks I am, but who I really am. And I think it would be good for all of you too! So will you do this with me this time? =)

 

This is the challenge I'm doing this time! 

A little update!

So I started this blog to do this 30 day challenge. But I liked it a lot. So I think I'll use this blog to do more challenges, so if you find any that you'd like to see me do, let me know! Until then, I hope you enjoyed this 30 day challenge...and again I think you should all try it! =D

Day 30: List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

1.) My compassion for others.
2.) My future research as a Psychologist.
3.) My ability to always be a giving person.
4.) My style.
5.) My passions.
6.) My beliefs.
7.) My motivation.
8.) My bubbly personality.
9.) My ability to know what I want out of life.
10.) My narcissism.

Day 29: What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

I think that people misunderstand the fact that I am serious, I just know how to have fun. I look at myself and I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I have this amazing future ahead of me. I know that I have a bubbly personality, I can be ditzy...often, and I also have this tendency to get easily distracted and I'm forgetful. But I am motivated. And I hate when people tell me they are surprised that I'm a Psychology major. And then they tell me "good luck" as if I need it. Like I can't do this. Like its too difficult for me to handle. I know that the desire to understand people is something I'm good at, and it would be stupid of me to ignore it. I honestly try my hardest and I don't think that people see that. I think that people think I expect the world to give me what I want. That's not true. I know what I want and I don't need it given to me, I can get it myself. I have goals, and I'm serious about getting there, but I'm gonna make it fun for me.

Day 28: What is your love language?

So, for those of you who don't know what a love language is, its how you express love to others and how others express love toward you. There are 5 of them and I'm going to explain them to you quickly.

1.) Words of Affirmation: Basically people with this love language need to hear positive things. They like to hear why you love them. Words are the most important thing to them.

 

2.) Quality Time: Some people just need someone to take the time and sit down and be with them. No distractions, just them. 

 3.) Receiving/Giving Gifts: It really doesn't matter how big or how small the gift is, as long as its given from the heart, its perfect!

4.) Acts of Service: Sometimes, people just need a little extra help, so doing things that eases stress for them shows them love. 

5.) Physical Touch: A hug, kiss, holding hands, or even a simple pat on the back is exactly what some people need. 

Alright, so now that you have the idea, my love languages are Physical Touch, which is how I feel love, and Gift Giving is how I show love. Yes, you can have more than one, but you will always have a stronger one. Like when I need to feel love, I want nothing more than to be held, to be close to that special person. But when I show love, I need to give gifts, I hate when people don't let me buy things for them. Don't get me wrong, I still love getting gifts, the little ones are my favorite, but sometimes I just want a hug. Some of my behaviors make sense now huh?

Wanna learn your love language? 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/